


Death By....

by dkwilliams



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-24
Updated: 2015-10-24
Packaged: 2018-04-27 22:22:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5066737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dkwilliams/pseuds/dkwilliams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The real story behind the Shrieking Shack incident, Snape's recruitment by Voldemort, and Dumbledore's trust in Snape.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Death By....

**Author's Note:**

> Despite the name, this is NOT a death story. I just have a very twisted sense of humour. This bit of nonsense was inspired by a conversation on one of the Harry Potter lists about what Snape's duties with the Death Eaters might have been.

Sirius Black scowled. "It's just not natural," he said for the hundredth time that day. " _He's_ just not natural. I swear, what Snape did was just _too_ Dark, and how did he learn to do that?"

James Potter rolled his eyes. "Give it a rest, Padfoot. You don't see any of the rest of us complaining, and he beat us, too."

"Yeah, well, _you_ may have expected it," Sirius retorted. "I've _seen_ what a mess you are with a cauldron."

"You're just jealous," Remus Lupin said, grinning. He wasn't too concerned about how the competition had turned out, especially since he expected to partake in the spoils of victory with Snape, his secret lover.

" _Me_? Jealous of _Snape_?" Sirius said indignantly. "Why would _I_ be jealous of that greasy git?"

"Oh, maybe because he has half of the girls hanging around him," James said, pointing in the direction of the Slytherin table where the boy who was usually a loner sat holding court over a crowd of admiring girls. He glanced sideways at Remus, having a suspicion that the two of them were closer than they wanted anyone else to know and worried about his reaction.

Remus didn't look concerned. "They're just trying to get their hands on the formula."

"Now _there's_ a thought," Sirius said, an arrested look on his face. "I wonder…"

Remus scowled. "Leave him alone, Sirius," he said sharply. He got up and crossed the room to congratulate Snape on his victory.

James gave Sirius a suspicious look. "Padfoot, you're up to something. You know the Headmaster told you to lay off Snape after the last time."

Sirius gave him an innocent look. "I'm not going to hurt him," he said in a tone that didn't reassure James in the least. "Just scare him a bit and make him give up that formula…"

* * *

 

Lord Voldemort looked down at the supplicant kneeling before him. "Severus Snape," he said, his voice making the man shiver. "I've heard great things about you."

Snape looked up, a gratified expression on his face. "Thank you, my lord."

"This new discovery of yours," Voldemort said, leaning closer. "Is it truly as Dark as I've heard?"

Snape looked a little taken aback. "Well, yes, it is. However - "

Voldemort interrupted. "And Dumbledore has no idea how to duplicate it?"

"Of course not," Snape said, a slightly affronted look on his face. "In spite of the fact that his precious Gryffindors tried to kill me to obtain the formula."

"Disgusting behaviour," Voldemort said. "I quite understand why you would be upset. Now, if I provide you with all the supplies you need, would you be able to provide me with a sample?"

"Well, yes, of course," Snape said. "But my lord, I have _other_ skills that might be of greater use to you -"

"I'm sure you do," Voldemort said soothingly. "And we will be gratified to see those skills in action. However, first things first," he said briskly. "Lucius, take Severus to his new rooms and make sure he has everything he needs. And Severus," he added, in a tone of voice that made Snape shiver, "do _not_ disappoint me."

* * *

 

Snape sat huddled on the chair in Dumbledore's office, a far cry from the proud young man who had often been summoned to the headmaster's office following an altercation with the Marauders. This man looked as if he'd aged a decade in the past two years. His face was pasty and drawn, and his eyes were shadowed with fatigue and pain. His once sleek dark hair hung limp and greasy around his face, and his slender hands were stained and shaking.

Dumbledore pushed a candy bowl towards him. "Lemon drop?"

Snape shuddered. "No! Too much sugar."

"Of course." Dumbledore discreetly moved the offending bowl out of sight. "Now, you said that when you first went to work for He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, you had no idea what you would be required to do."

Snape nodded. "I expected I'd have to participate in raids, administer the odd Cruciatus curse or two, but I never expected… It's horrible," he said in a voice raspy with fatigue. "You have no idea."

"Tell me, Severus," Dumbledore said gently.

Snape drew in a deep breath. "At first it was just once a week. Not a problem - I could do that in my sleep. Then it was every couple days, then every day, then…Merlin, sometimes he'd want it two, three times a day. He'd bring in guests - officials he was trying to impress, members of the Inner circle he wanted to reward - and I'd be expected to…" His voice trailed off, choking on unshed tears.

"I haven't had a good night's sleep in weeks, I can't remember the last time I had a proper bath. Look at my hair!" he moaned, gesturing at the greasy curtain hanging around his face. "It'll never be the same. My teeth - they're ruined!"

"My poor child," Dumbledore said sympathetically, patting Snape's hand and pushing a cup of tea towards him. "You did the right thing in coming to me, Severus."

Snape looked up at Dumbledore hopefully. "Then you'll be able to help me? Give me sanctuary?"

"Of course, my dear boy, if that's what you want," Dumbledore said genially. "Hogwarts will always be open to you. In fact, I am in desperate need of a teacher at the moment, and you would fit the job perfectly."

"Defense Against the Dark Arts?" Snape said hopefully.

"Potions," Dumbledore replied. Snape's face fell slightly, and Dumbledore hastily added, "and Head of Slytherin House. It would mean that you'd have complete freedom to torment and terrorize your students, arbitrarily take away Gryffindor House points, and shamelessly favour your own House."

Snape looked as if someone had given him a room full of galleons. "Acceptable," he said. He started pulling himself together, practicing the sneer he would inflict upon his unsuspecting students, then turned back to Dumbledore. "Headmaster, how can I ever thank you?"

"Well," Dumbledore said hesitantly. "I don't like to mention it, but…"

"You wish me to spy on the Dark Lord, let you know what his plans are, and gather evidence about his minions?"

"No. Well, yes, that would be wonderful, if you could manage it," Dumbledore said hastily. "Although I shudder to think of what knowledge we'd lose, should something happen to you, Severus."

Snape frowned in thought for a few minutes, then said slowly, "I suppose I could teach a few other people what I know, in case something should happen to me."

"An excellent plan!" Dumbledore said, beaming. "Lily Potter would be the perfect student - she's always had a gift for this kind of work."

"I was under the impression James Potter objected to anything this Dark," Snape said.

Dumbledore waved away the objection. "I'm sure he'll make an exception in this case. Of course, we'll have to hide the Potters away. Merlin only knows what Voldemort would do to them, should he learn that they possess this secret."

Snape nodded his agreement, then slumped wearily in his chair. Dumbledore was at his side in an instant, concern on his face. "My dear boy, you really must rest and regain your strength before we ask any more of you." He helped Snape out of his chair and walked him towards the guest suite attached to his rooms. "You just have a nice bath and a nap, and we'll talk more after that."

"Thank you, Albus," Snape said gratefully. "If there is anything else I can do…"

"Well," Dumbledore said with obvious reluctance, "what our side really needs is a something of a morale boost. A reminder of what we're fighting for, and why we need to defeat Voldemort. If you could see your way clear to producing a batch of your formula…once you're rested, of course."

Snape looked reluctant but nodded wearily. "Of course, Albus. Once I've rested." He disappeared into the guest suite, and only then did Dumbledore allow a wide smile to cross his face and a gleam of triumph to fill his twinkling eyes.

"Why, Albus!" McGonagall said, coming into the room. "Whatever has happened? I haven't seen you look so happy in months."

"The most incredible piece of luck has come our way, Minerva," Dumbledore said, unable to repress his grin. "Severus Snape has come to the side of the Light!"

"Oh, Albus!" McGonagall said, her voice trembling with emotion. "He'll be able to give us information on You-Know-Who! His plans, his followers - "

"Better than that," Dumbledore said triumphantly. "He'll be able to give us his prize-winning recipe for Death-By-Dark-Chocolate Fudge!"

The End


End file.
